where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Someone shit on the floor
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
