I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
