As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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