Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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