Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
