I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
