party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
