i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize