She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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