im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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