I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
