i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
