pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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