Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
