it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
