Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
