why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
