Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
