What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
