Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
