I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
