Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
