there's paper in my vomit.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
