the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
