Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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