I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
