Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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