I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
