I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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