Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
