i already hear my dad disowning me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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