threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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