he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
A bitchslap is in order.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
