Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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