he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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