just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
