Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
