grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
