i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
