i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
