Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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