i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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