Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
