She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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