Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
