after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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