So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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