I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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