Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
