If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize