Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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