I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
