just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
