he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
