someone owes me an orgasm
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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