Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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