ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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