she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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