We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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