You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
