Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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